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Designing Women S5 E17 - JD Returns

Updated: Feb 20

JD’s back! The timing is perfect because Mary Jo wants another baby. Sure they cry, scream, and poop, but it was the best time of her life, so pony up JD! Meanwhile, Suzanne takes up smoking to curb her appetite causing a glorious ruckus in Sugarbaker’s. 

Come back Thursday for a segment we’re calling, This Extra Sugar Marvel Could Be All Yours for Four Easy Payments of $19.99. We can't tell you much more - you just have to come back Thursday for this exclusive. But, because we like ya, we'll give you this bonus tip: it's probably inspired by Charlene's adventure with the stuffed sandwich maker at the beginning of the episode.

Here are some of our sources from this week's episode:

Come on y’all, let’s get into it! 



Salina: Hey, Nikki.

Nikki: Hey, Salina.

Salina: And hey, y'all.

Salina: And welcome to Sweet Tea and tv.

Salina: That sounded peppy, didn't it?

Nikki: It did.

Nikki: Did you get some more medicine?

Salina: Sorry I cut you off right before you said, hey, y'all.

Salina: Hey, y'all.

Nikki: I don't know.

Nikki: I think they got enough pep.

Salina: Yeah, I'm all pepped up off these raccolas.

Nikki: Is that what's happening?

Nikki: Do they have anything in them?

Nikki: Are they medicated in any way?

Salina: Something Swiss.

Nikki: Melissa Limoncella.

Salina: Oh, well, that'll get you going every time.

Nikki: Are we ready to talk about this week's episode?

Salina: Well, maybe, baby.

Nikki: That's well done.

Nikki: Well done.

Nikki: So that is the title of season five, episode 17.

Nikki: Though she's single and currently uninvolved, Mary Jo decides it's time for her to have another baby and tries to convince the visiting JD to help her out with a donation.

Nikki: Suzanne takes up smoking to lose weight.

Nikki: Air date February 11, 1991 we're calling this one JD returns.

Nikki: It's written by Pam Norris and directed by David Trainor.

Nikki: And Salina's trivia tells me that this will be the last appearance of Richard Gilliland as J.

Nikki: D.

Nikki: Shackleford.

Nikki: Both of those last names are very.

Salina: Challenging for me, back to back.

Salina: It's an unfair situation.

Salina: Honestly.

Nikki: What do you have in the way of general reactions?

Salina: Yes, for some, this may be the episode where JD comes back.

Salina: That is true.

Salina: And for others, it's the one where Mary Jo contemplates having a baby.

Salina: But for me, it's the Suzanne smoking episode.

Nikki: Yeah.

Salina: So how about you?

Nikki: So you've already said it.

Nikki: We had a huge character return with JD.

Nikki: If I did my math right, he hasn't been.

Nikki: And by doing my math right, I mean googled enough.

Nikki: He hasn't been around since season four.

Nikki: Episode four.

Salina: This is the kayaking episode.

Salina: Almost at he haw.

Nikki: So I was kind of surprised there wasn't more of an audience response for him, like just listening to the laugh track or whatever.

Nikki: It just felt like there would be more people excited to see him.

Nikki: On that note, though, I looked it up.

Nikki: Like we said, this is his last appearance.

Nikki: I looked it up.

Nikki: He's made 14 appearances over the course of the show, which absolutely shocks me.

Nikki: That feels like so many.

Nikki: But I guess we've watched a lot of designing women.

Nikki: I don't feel like I could remember 14 individual instances of seeing JD.

Salina: There's 200 episodes a season, right?

Nikki: So the law of averages, right?

Nikki: Like 14.

Nikki: Yeah, I guess.

Nikki: I will say this is a horrible way to say goodbye.

Nikki: To his character.

Nikki: Just like an absolutely awful note to go out on, in my opinion.

Salina: So it feels like I agree with this.

Salina: Since we're talking about JD, I think one of my general reactions is just that I think I miss him.

Salina: It's true that when he was appearing more regularly, I wasn't always a fan, but gosh darn it, I just kind of like him.

Salina: I think it's more to do with Richard Gilliblin.

Nikki: He's super charming.

Salina: Yeah.

Salina: And also him being gone in real just.

Salina: I was curious, too.

Salina: Did you see the multiple?

Salina: I think maybe it's Charlene that opens the door or something and he's there.

Salina: Maybe she's standing up near the front.

Salina: I don't remember, but I've been tried to watch them and see if there's any spark there.

Nikki: Charlene?

Nikki: Oh, I did the same thing.

Nikki: Nothing.

Salina: Oh, really?

Salina: I saw.

Salina: Speaking of seeing things that aren't there, I was like, is it just me or was her eyes just fluttering just a little bit more when he walked through the door?

Nikki: I always forget to be completely and 100% transparent because there's a lot going on in my head.

Nikki: I always forget that it's Jean smart in him and not tixie Carter.

Nikki: Not tixie, not Dixie Carter.

Nikki: Delta Burke.

Nikki: Because Delta always seems to have stars in her eyes when he's on camera, in my opinion, she always.

Nikki: Him's totally infatuated with him.

Salina: Oh, really?

Nikki: Yeah.

Salina: I think that's her part and parcel to her character, isn't it?

Salina: She just kind of flirts with all men.

Salina: Maybe it doesn't charm every man.

Salina: It doesn't look acty, though.

Nikki: Like, toward the end of the episode, she made this sort of, like, joke about them maybe needing some of her cigarettes after they go into the back room.

Nikki: Something about the way she says it is not sensual.

Nikki: It's not like her.

Nikki: She's obviously not hitting on him.

Nikki: It's just something about her talking about him.

Nikki: She seems like smitten or something.

Nikki: And I've noticed it on other JD occasions as well.

Nikki: I don't know.

Nikki: I may be reading into it.

Nikki: She was the one that originally introduced Mary Jo and JD, so maybe she.

Salina: Just really likes something.

Nikki: Yeah, but I always think that about her.

Nikki: But I'm glad you saw it between Gene smart and him.

Salina: I wanted to.

Nikki: You wanted to?

Salina: I just did.

Nikki: You saw it?

Salina: I wanted it.

Salina: On reflection, for this season, this is my last general reaction.

Salina: I do think the show has actually done it, actually.

Salina: I hate it when I do that, actually.

Salina: It's been building to this plot.

Salina: For Mary Jo, it feels like it's done a nice job of doing that.

Salina: She was the one who was so fascinated by the sperm bank story earlier in the season.

Salina: Maybe it was breadcrumbs, maybe it wasn't.

Salina: She was also experiencing feelings around Claudia turning 18, so I think they did a nice job laying the groundwork for this one.

Salina: Whereas sometimes it feels like things just come out of the blue.

Salina: Maybe it's even in this episode, I can't remember, but she's very excited to be around Charlene and the baby know, so it feels like they're letting the audience know that emptiness syndrome is occurring.

Nikki: Yeah, I see that.

Nikki: I have two other general thoughts.

Nikki: One has two parts, all of mine do.

Nikki: I really liked this line, but had two major thoughts about it.

Nikki: So she says, all I'm really asking for is a few moments of your time.

Nikki: So one, that line was hilarious.

Nikki: That entire scene between Mary Jo and JD was really funny, but there are a lot of layers to that one sort of throwaway comment.

Nikki: Ultimately being just like, a baby is never just yours.

Nikki: So I think I really struggled with her blind spot to the fact that, one, the child's going to want to grow up and know who their dad is, and two, that JD would want to know this child.

Nikki: And so her blind spot clouded the episode a little bit.

Nikki: For me.

Nikki: It was like, you could probably argue that it was a willful ignorance because she didn't want to see those things.

Nikki: But for some reason, I don't know if it's like the mom in me or just like the realist in me, but something about it, I was just like, this is so absurd.

Nikki: This is so crazy.

Nikki: And I can't believe she would look at him and say that.

Nikki: And then there was this line where she said, don't you see, JD?

Nikki: My life is finally in order.

Nikki: So this is that building through the season you're talking about.

Nikki: I have so much to give.

Nikki: Please don't tell me I'm not going to be able to give it.

Nikki: I want a baby.

Nikki: So this line just really spoke to me.

Nikki: I don't know if it's the late thirty s again, if it's the mom thing, but I just hate.

Nikki: And I think it's so unfair that fertility is not adequately aligned with the female life cycle.

Nikki: You're just like a total mess in your teens and your early 20s, but like, a man could sneeze and you'd get pregnant.

Nikki: But by the time you finally are ready and you can be the full parent that a kid needs that you can financially provide for them.

Nikki: Your biological clock is ticking so loud, it keeps you up at night.

Nikki: That's just so messed up.

Nikki: That is like an unfair thing about life.

Nikki: And I just kept thinking that through this whole episode.

Salina: Yeah.

Nikki: And then this one probably could be astray.

Nikki: I really liked Suzanne smoking and Mary Jo's fertility thing sort of being in the same episode.

Salina: Health issues.

Nikki: Right.

Nikki: But in the last episode with Bernice's thing, I said I felt like there could have been maybe another subplot or something more.

Nikki: This is sort of what I had in mind.

Nikki: That nose situation felt incomplete or something.

Nikki: This one felt like full circle.

Nikki: We had two sort of meaty things going on at the same time, and it made the episode feel like something I was really taking in.

Salina: Yeah, I like that.

Salina: And is that the end of your general reaction?

Nikki: It is.

Salina: Cut you off.

Salina: Okay, so let's jump into stray observations then.

Salina: And if you don't mind, let's start with Suzanne watch because we're already kind of talking about the smoking bit.

Salina: Okay, so let me just ask you in general, do you see anything worth talking about?

Salina: For Suzanne Watch, did anything strike you?

Nikki: Well, you know what was really funny is when they took her away and put her in the new smoking section, which is the atrium or whatever they call it, they had her back to the camera.

Nikki: And I totally did not think that was really Delta Burke.

Nikki: I thought it was a body stand in.

Nikki: It looked so like she wasn't there.

Nikki: But then she turned her head really fast, and I'm like, oh, well, I'm reading something that's not mean.

Nikki: They were definitely like, put her outside or whatever.

Nikki: But what I'm struggling with so much is she's still such a part.

Nikki: You just said, like, to you, this is the Suzanne smoking episode.

Salina: I think that speaks to Delta Burke to me.

Nikki: I think you're playing mind games with me.

Nikki: I think you're planting something, maybe.

Salina: But so my thing, who knows?

Salina: My thing is, because I've had this thought a lot, and people have actually weighed in on social media.

Salina: They talked about this episode specifically as a good example for us to talk about in the Suzanne watch segment.

Salina: And yes, they put her out in the cold and locked the doors and closed the drapes.

Salina: And it was very just.

Salina: It's hard to read it with just purely funny when you know that there are these problems off the set.

Salina: But in terms of what she's doing comedically, it doesn't matter.

Salina: They can't shut her down.

Salina: She's that good.

Salina: She's so funny.

Salina: But that's a Delta thing.

Salina: I don't know that just anybody could do what she was doing in these scenes.

Salina: And I was actually curiously wondering how close this might be to when they did actually sit down and vote on whether to keep her in the show or not.

Salina: Actually, I don't have to know if it was in February unless they're out of order.

Salina: We're, like, just a couple of months from that conversation taking place.

Nikki: It's so hard for me to think about it and talk about it because I don't know, man.

Salina: Yeah, we weren't there.

Salina: We're just making stuff up.

Nikki: Well, they cut a couple of her lines, actually.

Nikki: Okay, well, one of her lines and then someone else.

Nikki: So when Suzanne said she started smoking for her diet, they cut this.

Nikki: That's very clever.

Nikki: Suzanne.

Nikki: You single handedly came upon the one Diet aid that causes emphysema, and then after the discussion about the warning label on cigarettes, they cut this.

Nikki: Well, I'm sick and tired of all you non smokers always lecturing everybody else.

Nikki: I mean, if we were trying to out, there's, like, a lot of typos this season.

Nikki: So I'm trying to fill in words while I go.

Nikki: I mean, if we were trying to outlaw unattractive habits, why don't we outlaw.

Nikki: Outlaw nose picking in your car at 60 miles an hour?

Nikki: I would much rather see someone just smoking a cigarette.

Nikki: And why don't we just outlaw polyester pants and two pays while we're at it?

Salina: I had that in my dislikes.

Salina: I thought that was a bad cut because.

Nikki: Yeah.

Nikki: Did you have any other strays?

Salina: I have two.

Salina: It looks like they have her smoking marble reds.

Salina: So really had her go full in.

Salina: It's like, right next to smoking a filterless cigarette.

Salina: The veil just came down in front of Nikki.

Nikki: She's like, what?

Nikki: So many words.

Nikki: I see her as, like, a Virginia slims kind of making that up.

Nikki: Yes, my parents did.

Salina: Oh.

Salina: So it seems like you would know at least two things about cigarettes.

Nikki: I know two brands of cigarettes.

Salina: Oh, okay.

Nikki: Virginia slims.

Salina: Oh, yes.

Nikki: And camel.

Salina: And the other one, we had a.

Nikki: Bunch of Joe camel apparel in our house because they collected the points.

Nikki: Those are the two brands of cigarettes.

Nikki: I know what I know about filters and not filterless.

Nikki: This is a thing?

Salina: Yeah.

Salina: I mean, they're bad for you either way.

Nikki: Awful.

Salina: But the filterless is real.

Salina: That's real.

Salina: Are you out of strays?

Nikki: Yes.

Salina: Okay.

Salina: This is my last stray.

Salina: Charlene's apple pie sandwich.

Nikki: Oh.

Salina: It reminded me of those little gadgets that they'd sell to kids when we were little, like the McDonald's french fries and stuff.

Salina: You're making McDonald's french fries, but basically you're just using bread.

Nikki: I do remember those.

Salina: So it just put me in the mind of that, that whole little sandwich segment.

Nikki: Well, it put me in the mind.

Nikki: She's queuing me up so beautifully.

Nikki: Two things you said, gadgets.

Nikki: And so I have a whole as seen on tv segment for extra sugar this week, which I've thought a lot about gadgets over the last couple of weeks.

Nikki: But I also have Nikki's nibbles.

Salina: It's funny you say that, because I'm hungry.

Salina: Nikki's nibbles.

Salina: Come on, y'all, let's talk fiddles.

Salina: Nikki's nibbles.

Salina: Come on, y'all, let's eat.

Nikki: We have to be nearing the end of our designing women coverage because I'm starting to get really tired of all of our little side music.

Nikki: By the way, if I have to hear that song one more time.

Salina: I had the opposite, which was like, I feel like I haven't heard that song in a long time.

Nikki: We haven't done a nibbles in a while.

Salina: Yeah.

Salina: You should just make some new ones.

Salina: I know.

Salina: Remember the ambitious days.

Salina: I keep hoping maybe I'll come in here and be like, guess what I did for Suzanne.

Salina: Watch a segment I don't even believe in.

Salina: Oh, my gosh.

Nikki: So what you just said, that apple pie sandwich situation that Charlene did when we were brainstorming for this season, one of the things that we talked about, and you've covered this on social media before, is southern sandwiches.

Salina: It's a thing.

Nikki: It's a thing.

Nikki: I found a southern living article on unique southern sandwiches and thought we would put something together for the people here.

Nikki: So the list is actually 15 sandwiches long, and some of them we've actually talked about on here before.

Nikki: So, like the masters, pimento cheese, we've talked about.

Nikki: I think we've talked about tomato sandwiches.

Nikki: And then, like I just mentioned, you did a social media post last year that included some of these, but there were three on this list of 15 that stuck out to me as things that I have literally just never heard of.

Salina: How I thought you were going to say just yum, yum, yummy.

Nikki: And some of them I thought were interesting choices.

Nikki: That's that nervous laughter you just heard.

Nikki: It's just a choice.

Nikki: So I wanted to get your.

Nikki: So I will say one takeaway I had looking at this list.

Nikki: Is that Charlene's stuffed apple pie sandwich really isn't as wild as it might have sounded when you consider it in the context of these others in the south.

Nikki: We just really love white bread with some kind of fruit or vegetable stuffed in the middle.

Nikki: That was my takeaway from this list.

Salina: And mayonnaise.

Nikki: And mayonnaise.

Nikki: So to that point, the first example on my list, which you have sitting in your kitchen right now, the sweet onion sandwich, I freaking live in Georgia, the home of the Vidalia onion.

Nikki: I have never heard of an onion.

Salina: Sorry.

Salina: That's not really giving you much.

Salina: So it feels weird now because, now, because of the things that I did with the southern sandwiches last year, but I didn't grow up eating videlia onion sandwiches, especially with the parsley on the edges.

Salina: That was all new to me.

Nikki: So that's what I was going to say.

Nikki: So you basically take rounds of raw onion between slices of crustless white bread that's been slathered with mayo, and then you coat the edges in Mayo and then roll it in chopped parsley.

Salina: Can I give a side thing, too, in your nibbles?

Nikki: Yes.

Nikki: Just to say that, do I need to play music?

Salina: Yes, because you're sick of it.

Salina: So James Beard has a version, and instead of doing mayonnaise on the inside, he does butter, then puts the onion in that, then puts, like, a coarse salt on top of that, puts the sandwich together, and then only uses mayonnaise on the edges and the parsley on that.

Salina: So there are some different versions, and I don't think James bid is southern, although I should probably check that out.

Salina: But it's very much so in the line of, like, tea sandwiches.

Nikki: Right?

Nikki: Yeah.

Nikki: So one thing I do want to say about the Vidalia onion is that might not mean anything to anybody outside of Georgia.

Nikki: They're sweet and a little less like, quote unquote onion, like.

Nikki: So I think it makes maybe better for sandwiches or something.

Nikki: But they're limited edition, which is my favorite thing in life.

Nikki: I love everything limited edition.

Nikki: They're available from April to August.

Nikki: That's just when Vidalia onion season is.

Nikki: So that's when you'll probably have your best onion sandwich.

Salina: And there's, like, an advisory board that dictates when they're ready, and they're like, and we'll begin today.

Nikki: Agriculture is big business.

Salina: Yeah.

Salina: And they said that.

Salina: I know this, but people say that you can just bite into them.

Salina: I don't really suggest that.

Nikki: Onions.

Salina: Yeah.

Salina: Vidalias.

Nikki: Those same people might be the ones for whom this sandwich is made maybe for them it is like an apple.

Salina: We're going to find out.

Salina: I think the point is I made my first one today.

Salina: I was disgusted just doing it.

Salina: And I love mayonnaise, so it doesn't have anything to do with that.

Salina: And I love onions, but put a piece of meat on that sandwich, I guess I'm not that I like a complicated sandwich.

Nikki: I love like a tomato sandwich.

Nikki: Now we've gone off my list.

Nikki: I love a tomato sandwich, but it's in the same vein, like white bread, mayonnaise, tomatoes, salt and pepper.

Salina: Although there's a lot of variation in that and people get really in how.

Nikki: They make their tomato sandwich.

Salina: Yes.

Nikki: Let's not overcomplicate things, people.

Nikki: It's a tomato and white bread and the mayonnaise.

Nikki: I love that.

Nikki: I love a simple sandwich.

Nikki: Onion, man, I don't know, but I do think so.

Nikki: The one you said you have for today is a peruvian onion.

Salina: It's like a peruvian gold or something, but it is a sweet all.

Nikki: We'll see.

Salina: That's all we had at the local had.

Salina: We're going to see how it goes.

Salina: Like, Nikki came in and there was just piles of bread.

Nikki: I thought you were saying mayonnaise.

Salina: Well, that too.

Salina: Piles of mayonnaise and bread of me.

Salina: Just like trying to get these perfect little circles.

Salina: Whatever you do, don't use sunbeam because I use that for the other sandwich we're going to talk about.

Salina: But don't do that because it's not sturdy enough to be.

Nikki: For the round.

Salina: For the round.

Nikki: The next one is the mayonnaise sandwich.

Nikki: That's the other one you made.

Nikki: It's literally just white bread and mayonnaise.

Salina: But is this the first time you'd ever heard of this?

Nikki: No.

Salina: Okay.

Nikki: Just reading, though.

Nikki: So Salina and I were talking off air about this a minute ago.

Salina: You were eating one on the way here, correct one.

Nikki: I have to say, from a practical perspective, I feel like I would just still be so hungry after I ate that white bread with nothing else on it but mayonnaise.

Nikki: Like, that has to digest so fast.

Nikki: Thing one white bread also makes my tummy hurt a little bit.

Nikki: So you're also going to get a sneak peek of that today.

Salina: Does that mean you're going to accidentally fart in here?

Nikki: I can't make any promises to you, Salina, so I feel like I'd be hungry, but also, well, I don't know.

Nikki: I don't know.

Nikki: I need a substance.

Nikki: I need something in my, like put.

Salina: Some roast beef in there.

Nikki: Exactly.

Nikki: So the cousin to this one, this is sort of my sub bullet to this one, is the pineapple sandwich, which you actually did highlight.

Salina: I did in your reel.

Salina: Yeah.

Salina: And don't use fresh.

Salina: You use canned pineapple.

Salina: I love that.

Salina: That's like a.

Nikki: It's like, specified.

Salina: Yes.

Nikki: So it is just mayo and pineapple, which is sort of akin to the pineapple casserole we've talked about before.

Nikki: Southerners love pineapple, apparently.

Nikki: So is there a difference between canned and fresh, flavor wise?

Salina: I guess.

Salina: Well, yes.

Salina: Everybody knows that the canned fruits are best.

Salina: I mean, it feels like to me, it's more of, like, necessity.

Salina: Right.

Nikki: Yeah.

Nikki: Because you have pineapples lying around.

Salina: Exactly.

Salina: And this didn't just originate yesterday.

Salina: We weren't magically getting them from different areas of the world the way that we do now.

Salina: So you either didn't have access or didn't have ready access to it.

Salina: I liked it, but I like weird things.

Salina: And I shouldn't say weird, but, like nontraditional.

Salina: Thank you.

Salina: So to me, it was just fun.

Salina: We had so much fun making those sandwiches that day.

Salina: I hate the lion's share of those, by the way.

Nikki: That makes me happy.

Nikki: The last one I wanted to talk about is the Kentucky hot brown.

Salina: And this is news to you?

Nikki: No.

Salina: Okay.

Nikki: It is not okay.

Nikki: I think what is news to me is that it came to us via the Brown Hotel in Louisville, Kentucky, in the 1920s.

Nikki: The article says it was invented as a way to feed guests who had been up all night in the hotel's popular evening dinner dance.

Nikki: Salina's pretending to drink.

Nikki: Probably part of it.

Nikki: So it's an open faced sandwich, which kind of requires a fork and a knife.

Nikki: It's usually made with thinly sliced turkey breast, a smooth and creamy mornet sauce, a white sauce made with cheese, bacon, tomatoes, and a slice of toasted bread.

Nikki: Have you had this at the dwarf house?

Salina: Yes.

Nikki: It's so good.

Nikki: It's so good.

Nikki: Kyle's like, oh, that's disgusting.

Salina: Which is why I didn't realize that it's traditionally turkey, because obviously it's going to be chicken, chick fil a.

Salina: No, I grew up on hot browns, and you can't get them anymore.

Salina: You can't at the one that my.

Salina: Some of them, they won't even do them there anymore.

Nikki: Oh, no.

Nikki: Really?

Nikki: The one in hate.

Salina: Labor intensive, probably.

Salina: And so I know the one.

Nikki: Nobody orders them, probably.

Salina: Yeah.

Salina: I think the one in Jonesboro, near my grandparents.

Salina: It's off Terra Boulevard.

Salina: Just in case y'all wanted to know, is one of the very first dwarf houses.

Salina: And when my grandma had cancer, that was one of the only things that she could eat.

Salina: And so they were regularly running up there and getting her hot browns.

Salina: And at some point they were like, yeah, we're not doing anymore.

Salina: It's too labor intensive.

Nikki: But she has cancer.

Nikki: It's the least you can do.

Salina: Please give my grandma.

Salina: But on those, it's like the chicken, the cheese, and then two slices of bacon and toast points.

Salina: And then usually you do a combo.

Salina: It comes with salad.

Nikki: I should have googled this.

Nikki: I took for granted that they're still at least doing it at the Hateville one because I had it.

Nikki: At this point, it's time.

Nikki: What is time?

Nikki: Probably six years ago.

Nikki: So maybe they don't do it anymore, but they just did that big remodel.

Nikki: Maybe they scaled back, but that's where I had it.

Salina: And it was good.

Salina: It is good.

Salina: It's such a comfort food.

Nikki: Yeah.

Nikki: I don't know that I would put it in that category, but see, now I need to go have another one.

Nikki: Good thing you've got one downstairs.

Salina: You going to?

Nikki: So like I said, the rest of the list included the masters golf tournament, pimento cheese cucumber sandwiches, which are like staples at showers in the south.

Nikki: The peanut butter and banana sandwich, of course, the tomato sandwich.

Nikki: We'll put the whole list in the show notes if folks want to poke around and maybe even try one of them.

Nikki: And then if people do make one, I want a picture or a video.

Nikki: or at sweettv on Insta.

Salina: And my thing is just try things.

Salina: Just try what's going to happen?

Salina: It's nothing.

Salina: Unless you're allergic to pineapple.

Salina: Then don't try it.

Nikki: Or if you have a gag reflex with mayonnaise, make it make sense.

Salina: My thing is I'm always just trying again, just in case, just on the.

Nikki: Off chance, for sure.

Nikki: And I tell my family this pretty you, especially little kids, something you didn't like at two years old.

Nikki: You might feel totally different about at five.

Nikki: So give it a try.

Nikki: If you don't like it, fine.

Nikki: I won't make you eat it again for another two years, but try it.

Salina: I just learned one week ago that I like Brazil nuts now.

Salina: And I've gone my whole life like, these are not for me.

Salina: And then I had them last week and I was like, what was wrong with me?

Salina: These are fine.

Nikki: I love a Brazil nut.

Nikki: Yeah, it's true.

Nikki: Maybe I need to try that mayonnaise sandwich.

Salina: Downstairs, you're going to a nice seven hour old mayonnaise sandwich, room temperature, just like the good lord intended.

Salina: That's it.

Salina: That's all.

Salina: We take you out.

Salina: Nicky Nibbles.

Nikki: I was just trying to remember if we usually play music.

Nikki: I don't think I can listen to that again.

Salina: So, outside of southern sandwiches, what else did you like about this episode?

Nikki: I'm going to take a chance that we have a couple of.

Nikki: Suzanne says that we both really liked.

Salina: Oh, man, so many.

Nikki: The one that I really liked was, I'll take a hundred chances with my lungs, but you only get one chance with my wig.

Nikki: And then at the end where she says, oh, lord, not again.

Nikki: When her wig caught on fire in the back room.

Nikki: I also love this line from Anthony after he lit Suzanne's cigarette.

Nikki: I know this woman.

Nikki: She does what she wants till she doesn't want to do it anymore.

Nikki: Just stay out of the way and try not to get hurt.

Salina: You could also say that for someone.

Nikki: In this room, you.

Salina: Yes, absolutely.

Salina: Hey, at least I'm self aware.

Salina: Just let her learn on her own.

Nikki: She's going to find out she loves mayonnaise sandwiches to a point that she gets sick.

Salina: I love mayonnaise.

Salina: That's what you have to know about me.

Salina: I'm a fry dipper on mayonnaise.

Salina: I know.

Salina: I'm sorry.

Salina: I could actually eat it by the spoonful.

Salina: Sorry.

Salina: I'm so sorry.

Salina: That definitely made at least ten people sick, and I feel real bad about it.

Salina: Sorry.

Nikki: I told you before, I worked at Quiznos, they had the big, giant tub of mayonnaise, and something about that will destroy.

Salina: This is why I don't really like baked potatoes.

Salina: I saw hundreds of them in a trash can.

Salina: Every baked potato, and there's just something about them being in the trash, and they're all still oiled up from being buttered and salted and, like, I don't know.

Nikki: My mouth is now watering.

Salina: It's work, though, right?

Salina: Well, that's what I was saying when you were talking about them big old jars of mayonnaise.

Salina: I was like, except not really.

Nikki: You didn't see them, Salina.

Salina: You worked there.

Salina: You didn't see those baked potatoes.

Salina: But I know you wish you did.

Nikki: The last thing I'll say that I really liked was when Charlene said, I don't know about y'all, but I can't stand to look at her out there.

Nikki: After Julia moved Suzanne to the outdoor smoking section, then she closed the curtains in her face.

Nikki: There was a person in the audience that screamed.

Nikki: Rumor has it that was me, because that's the exact same noise I made at my house.

Salina: That's hilarious.

Nikki: That was my last thing I liked.

Salina: Man, I loved so much about this episode.

Salina: Just in terms of the one off lines and everything.

Salina: I thought the writing was really sharp, and then most of my favorite parts are about the smoking subplot.

Salina: I'll be careful here to not repeat anything you said, but bear with me.

Salina: Okay?

Nikki: So I won't remember.

Nikki: Perfect.

Salina: Suzanne's strong stance on her new habit.

Salina: Julia, I'm a grown person, and if I want to smoke, I'll smoke.

Salina: Now, how do you work this thing?

Salina: I just love that.

Salina: Anthony's new warning label.

Salina: So he says, pretty soon they'll say, look, you, yellow finger, bad breast melon, nicotine sucking pig, go ahead and kill yourself because we're sick of you anyway.

Salina: And it won't work, by the way.

Salina: It won't work.

Salina: So that's what we've learned about warnings.

Salina: What you got to do is you got to make them $12 a bag.

Nikki: Make them really expensive.

Nikki: That works.

Salina: Speak to the pocket.

Salina: I know.

Salina: I saw prices on them not long ago, and I was like, oh, my God, we're reaching, like, europe level now.

Salina: Julia was generally very enjoyable to me during this one.

Salina: I just liked her interaction.

Salina: Everything with the smoking was pretty.

Salina: Like, it would just work for me.

Salina: So she cuts the end off of Suzanne's cigarette to declare the office is non smoking.

Salina: And, look, we already know from the season premiere she ain't into it because we had the smoking guest who was in there on the tour of home.

Salina: You're right.

Nikki: She's not a fan.

Salina: Look at my fight.

Salina: So, anyway, it's one of those moments where I was like, I really think she may have just been a part of my personality, putting Suzanne in the corner and saying, it's a non smoking section, and we have to let her do this, not because we love her, but because she's stupid.

Salina: Nikki also says this about me a lot at work.

Salina: Just let it happen.

Salina: Spraying Suzanne in the face with air freshener and then throwing her out on the back patio.

Salina: Just right in the face, too.

Nikki: That was the part where I thought that was a body double.

Nikki: I would have put money on the fact that wasn't her until she turned around.

Salina: Well, it's only bested by the line with Charlene.

Nikki: That was so freaking funny, the way.

Salina: That Anthony puts out her think, oh, lord.

Salina: Right?

Salina: And then you mentioned I called it Suzanne's great secession speech.

Salina: Yeah.

Salina: Don't mess with her wigs.

Salina: And then when Anthony thinks Mary Jo's about to ask him to be her donor.

Salina: Oh, yeah, that was really great.

Salina: He has limits, y'all.

Salina: He has limits.

Nikki: Sure.

Salina: And then Jd's very slow realization that Mary Jo is hitting him up for a donation.

Salina: So he gulps down the wine and then just passes over the money for her getting dinner earlier.

Nikki: That whole scene was so funny.

Salina: And what did you not like about this episode?

Nikki: I didn't have anything.

Salina: Okay.

Salina: So one of mine was the cut line that you mentioned already.

Salina: It was just a bad hulu cut.

Salina: And then I did like the scene with Mary Jo and JD.

Salina: I did think it went on just a beat too long.

Nikki: Yeah.

Salina: Other than that, good scene, there's a.

Nikki: Lot of will they, won't they?

Nikki: There.

Salina: That's right.

Nikki: Yeah.

Salina: You want to rate this one?

Nikki: Sure.

Nikki: My rating scale is sperm bank popsicles.

Nikki: I thought about flaming wigs, but I went with the sperm bank rating because that's really the main plot of the episode.

Nikki: Though, to your point, everything I mentioned was about the smoking subplot scene.

Salina: Stiller.

Nikki: I gave this one the rare five.

Salina: Out of a five.

Nikki: I think that the pairing of the two subplots was really funny.

Nikki: I thought this really touching, that whole thing with Mary Jo, I was a little bit annoyed, like I said, by her blindness to everything, but I think, like, justified it because she was like, willful blindness, but it did.

Nikki: I just kept thinking about it, like, God, that's annoying.

Nikki: But in general, I'd watch that Suzanne's wig going up in flames at the very end, like a million times.

Nikki: There were just so many funny lines in this one.

Nikki: And it wasn't like the shenanigans sort of humor.

Nikki: It was like just good quality funniness.

Nikki: They weren't relying on.

Nikki: There was certainly some physicality to it, but they weren't really relying on that.

Nikki: There's just funny stuff happening.

Salina: I liked it 100%.

Salina: So I'll catch you on the flammable part because I gave it a four out of five flammable hair pieces.

Salina: But as we've been sitting here and talking, I think I have to bump it up to a 4.5.

Salina: And it just had a lot of dazzling lines.

Salina: And it's just really funny.

Salina: It's pure fun.

Salina: And sometimes you just need that 90s things.

Nikki: You just said this in the last episode about plastic surgery, but I think this whole thing about sperm banks and smoking being such big topics of discussion, I just don't think that happens today.

Nikki: So that felt dated to me and then infomercials.

Nikki: I'm going to stop there for reasons that will make themselves apparent in a couple of days with extra sugar, but that also felt very dated.

Nikki: Or me.

Salina: Or in five minutes for you and me.

Salina: Correct.

Salina: Okay, so I had Charlene's hot sandwich maker and fitting into that world.

Salina: And then.

Salina: Yeah, just like we're on the same page.

Salina: Alternative reproduction options.

Nikki: That took me so long to translate.

Salina: Well, it took me a long time to get the full words out, so I broke there for like half a second, but good.

Nikki: Both our brains broke on that one.

Nikki: You found it.

Nikki: You found the glitch.

Salina: Well, I usually find the glitch.

Salina: It's getting past the glitch that's trouble.

Salina: Southern things.

Nikki: I talked about the sandwiches.

Nikki: That's really the only thing that's even adjacently southern to me.

Salina: Okay.

Salina: I had feel like a hill.

Salina: Sorry, that's all my southern words coming out.

Nikki: Feel like a.

Salina: So.

Salina: And I'm almost sure JD said that before, like, I think in the episode where he wanted to have sex before Mary Jo.

Salina: Oh, you're not h**** anymore, are you?

Nikki: Oh, good lord, Salina.

Salina: Sorry, I can't say h****.

Nikki: Anyways, now she says twice while looking.

Salina: Me right in the eyes, squarely in the.

Salina: Which has got to be one of our most repeated references.

Salina: But the civil War and burning Atlanta and then references we need to talk about.

Nikki: I don't have anything.

Nikki: Oh, I'm second guessing myself.

Salina: Okay, so I have one.

Salina: And it's that I was expecting like 50.

Salina: Well, is it?

Salina: Because it's a little convoluted.

Nikki: Okay, take me on this journey.

Salina: It's the Nobel Prize sperm bank.

Salina: But they mentioned, like, you're going to tap into that Nobel Prize winner sperm bank.

Salina: And I was like, is this real?

Salina: And it was.

Salina: So this is the repository for germinal choice.

Salina: So it's a real thing.

Salina: Founded in 1979 by Robert Clark Graham.

Salina: He's also the inventor of shatterproof glasses and contact lenses, just in case you needed to know.

Nikki: Oh, my gosh.

Nikki: Thank you.

Salina: You're welcome.

Nikki: The idea.

Salina: You better say you're welcome to him.

Salina: Maybe not for the thing we're about to go.

Nikki: I was thanking him.

Nikki: I wasn't thinking.

Salina: Oh, the contact lenses.

Salina: Got it.

Nikki: I need contacts.

Salina: Yes, they're helpful.

Salina: So the idea was that it was supposed to produce super kids from the sperm of high achievers, like Nobel Prize winners.

Salina: So all of his donors were white and had to be married, heterosexuals, among other criteria.

Salina: And the bank would only supply sperm to women who were the same.

Nikki: In theory, Graham, who were white, heterosexual, married.

Salina: Good job.

Salina: Okay.

Salina: Thank you for that clarification.

Salina: In theory, Graham said the bank would produce children that were all white, intelligent, neurotypical, and physically conforming to one ideal aesthetic.

Salina: There were 208.

Salina: It's creepy, right?

Salina: 218 children, and all were born of sperm from the bank.

Salina: And I just felt like I needed to go ahead and say it was creepy because I want to be very clear that I'm not like, what a cool idea.

Salina: Anyways, so there were three Nobel laureates at first, but two dropped out after bad press started circulating.

Salina: May I imagine that.

Nikki: I'm sorry, bad press about how?

Salina: Because it sounded like eugenics.

Salina: Right.

Nikki: They were Nobel Prize winners.

Nikki: Born from these sperm, or they involved in donating?

Nikki: Donating.

Nikki: Okay.

Salina: What happened to the kids?

Salina: I didn't look into that.

Nikki: Were they super kids?

Nikki: We don't have very many super kids.

Salina: If only it were that simple.

Salina: I think if you've met enough kids and enough backgrounds, that's not really the way it works.

Salina: But for many, it called back to, again, the, you know, that had a hand in shaping Nazism.

Salina: This is a thing that we touched on really early in the podcast, I believe.

Salina: But Graham was in the news that year and perhaps caught.

Salina: This is after winning.

Salina: This is my accidental extra sugar in the middle of the episode.

Salina: So sorry about that, but I just thought this was so fascinating, I had to share it.

Salina: But anyway, so he won the.

Salina: And.

Salina: I'm sorry, is it IG?

Salina: Nobel Prize.

Salina: Have you ever heard of this before?

Salina: Maybe it's IG.

Salina: I'm not sure.

Salina: I'm going to assume it's IG, but it's a satiric prize awarded annually since 1991.

Salina: So he's one of the very first winners to celebrate ten unusual or trivial achievements in scientific research.

Salina: Its aim is to, quote, honor achievements that first make people laugh and then make people think.

Salina: So he had a huge influence on the fertility industry either way, because it sort of opened the door for parents to know more about their donors and also to be more selective.

Salina: So, initially, parents knew very little.

Salina: But today, parents can select on everything from a donor's health to their intelligence.

Salina: So, arguably, this is creating ideal children.

Salina: To be very clear, I can understand the allure to make sure your child is healthy, but the point is, there are downsides to that.

Nikki: When did you say the sperm bank was established?

Salina: Did you say the 79?

Salina: Okay.

Nikki: I think, yeah, that's what I thought.

Salina: And then bioethicist Carrie Bowman, because I feel like it makes more sense to hear from someone who's actually in the field versus me being like, I don't know, this don't sound right.

Salina: Anyways, she raises a good ethical point, which is it's narrowing humanity at a time when we're starting to accept many aspects of diversity.

Salina: So the article I read used the example of dyslexia, for instance.

Salina: So this is a trait that is banned from sperm banks but highly associated with creativity.

Salina: So the question becomes, what are we losing in our quest for control?

Nikki: That is correct.

Nikki: And when did the sperm bank close?

Nikki: It is closed, correct?

Salina: I don't know when it closed, but I like to think it's closed.

Nikki: It's weird to me.

Nikki: It was established in 79, but it sounds like nobody really talked about it till 91.

Nikki: That's when he won that award.

Salina: Yeah.

Salina: I don't know why it took that long for him to win that award.

Salina: I don't know if maybe by then it was circulating.

Salina: Maybe it broke into the news more.

Nikki: That's like an entire generation of children born of that sperm bank.

Salina: Yeah.

Nikki: And the very first thing that went through my head was eugenics.

Nikki: When you described especially the criteria, that is incredibly problematic.

Salina: I was floored just, like, reading through this because I thought, this has to be a joke.

Salina: Right?

Salina: And then I was like, oh, right, of course it's not a joke.

Salina: But this sort of even puts me in the mind of your extra sugar from before.

Salina: It's this thing, like, of control, this thing about, like, plastic surgery.

Salina: We're trying to fit form some ideal.

Salina: Yeah.

Salina: And we're losing out on what makes us special.

Nikki: Yeah.

Nikki: A planet full of billions of people.

Nikki: We can't be the same.

Nikki: Then you end up with, like, the Star wars soldiers.

Nikki: It's just like, rows and rows of soldiers that are all dressed stormtroopers.

Nikki: Thank you.

Nikki: Couldn't think of the word but, like, rows and rows of stormtroopers that all look the same.

Salina: I'll be that nerdy for you.

Salina: Let me help you.

Salina: Yeah, so it's a thinker.

Salina: So I think that prize was really interesting to learn about, too, because it is funny.

Salina: And then you're like, oh, no, wait.

Salina: Whoa.

Nikki: I think I didn't get the funny part.

Nikki: The part that was funny never came to me.

Nikki: You described what it was, and I was like, God, that's terrifying.

Salina: I think just anytime you start talking about a sperm bank, people are like, t he's stupid.

Salina: Well, except for the people who are.

Nikki: Listening to this and laughing at sperm banks.

Nikki: Please don't laugh at sperm banks, guys.

Salina: Well, maybe it's not the bank.

Salina: Maybe it's the sperm.

Salina: Does that help?

Salina: Do you.

Nikki: Stop it.

Salina: Podcast over.

Nikki: Oh, my God.

Nikki: All right.

Salina: That was it.

Salina: So it was one reference.

Nikki: Even if that wasn't it, Salina, I was about to cut you off.

Nikki: I was about to mute your mic.

Nikki: We've hit that point.

Nikki: Season five, episode 18, is up next.

Nikki: This is art.

Nikki: No, that's not right.

Nikki: This is art.

Salina: Okay.

Salina: I was like, God, did I get the name of the episode wrong?

Nikki: No, I just have to read it, right?

Salina: Yeah.

Nikki: We'd love everyone to follow along with us and engage Instagram and Facebook @sweetteaandtv, TikTok at sweetteatvpod.

Nikki: We're on YouTube at sweeteatV 7371.

Nikki: Our email address is

Nikki: And our website is

Nikki: You can always tell your family and friends about us.

Nikki: You can rate and review the podcast wherever you listen.

Nikki: And then you can visit that website and find additional ways to support the show from the support us page.

Nikki: And then come back Thursday for a segment.

Nikki: I'm calling this extra sugar marvel.

Nikki: Could be all yours for four easy payments of 1999.

Salina: Perfect.

Nikki: I can't wait to tell you so much more.

Nikki: You'll have to come back Thursday for this exclusive deal.

Nikki: But because I like you, I'll share that.

Nikki: It's probably inspired by Charlene's adventure with the stuffed sandwich maker at the beginning of the episode.

Salina: Probably free.

Salina: Probably.

Salina: Probably.

Salina: All right, most likely.

Salina: Well, you know what, Nikki?

Nikki: What's that, Salina?

Salina: We'll see you around the bend.

Salina: Bye.

Salina: Sa.


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